Something new to mourn; a.k.a. “Get a Grip!”

I find I’m mourning something I never imagined even caring about: my college experience.

I went to school in the South for a year and didn’t fit there. Then I went to a local community college for nearly a year while I was pregnant, and I finished up at the local university. I’ve always been very thankful I was able to finish and that my parents helped me do that.

I never felt I missed out on the whole college scene, the parties, the friends, the connections, the reunions, etc. I was there on a mission to get through it – not to live it up. And I’ve always been OK with that. (A side note – I did live it up while at that southern university AND in high school – so, yeah).

Over the last few years, while helping Rocky and Petunia find schools, I didn’t give it a second thought.

But now, suddenly, I feel so sad about what I missed. It hit me yesterday while Daisy and I were visiting one of the local New England colleges. I think it’s a combination of feeling at a loss about what I want to do with the rest of my life (work wise), the impending empty nest, looking at so many schools, and going to Jed’s college reunion recently.

I realize not only that I missed out on some things (mostly meeting people – since I didn’t live on campus), but also that I had so little guidance before and during college. I don’t know where my guidance counselors were, or if there were any at all, but I figured it all out on my own. My parents didn’t advise me. I took the classes that seemed right and somehow managed to get a fairly useless liberal arts degree.

But career plans? Ha. And I was a single mom. Where was the advice? I’ve advised my kids from the get-go, finding that each child has different needs in that regard. But I’ve been very hands-on, and because of that, they’ve thrived. I’m pretty sure one of them wouldn’t have made it through high school had I not “helped.”

Don’t get me wrong – I’m glad my life turned out the way it did – of course that I have Rocky, that I married Jed, that I have my girls, that I homeschooled, etc. I can’t imagine life any other way. So then why do I NOW feel so sad about how it could have been?

Mid-life crisis, anyone?

Public Notice

to whom it may concern:

Until further notice,

I am no longer available

to handle any personal crises that are not my own.

If you have an early morning crisis, please do not wake me.

If you have a mid-day crisis, please do not call and ask me to drop everything and join you in crisis mode.

If you have an evening crisis, please remember that no brain activity occurs after 8 PM. Even if I were available for crisis management, my contribution would be of minimal value.

I have worked hard to avoid constant crisis in my life and I expect you to do the same. 

signed,

Mom